As the new year approaches, I’ve found myself thinking more and more about who I want to be and what position I want to be in as I head into 2020. This year has been a difficult one in many ways for my family and I, it’s about damn time we got a break next year.
If you too feel as though you don’t know which way you are going or where you are likely to end up, don’t worry – that’s normal. This is how most people feel most of the time, and it is exactly that which means that people end up feeling frustrated and not knowing what to do.
One of the main things you can do to try and get to the bottom of it is to change direction when you feel intuitively that something is not right. It might sound a little ambiguous – and for a while I have also struggled to do so – but as long as you allow yourself the freedom to change, you will ultimately find the direction that is right for you.
But how do you go about changing direction in the first place? Let’s take a look at some of the best ways you might want to think about trying that, and some things that have personally worked for me.
Honestly, getting back into reading and exercise has been one of the main ways I have helped myself to change direction this year. Like Will Smith says in his famous quote, about running and reading, “The keys to life are running and reading. When you’re running, there’s a little person that talks to you and says, “Oh I’m tired. My lung’s about to pop. I’m so hurt. There’s no way I can possibly continue.” You want to quit. If you learn how to defeat that person when you’re running. You will how to not quit when things get hard in your life. For reading: there have been gazillions of people that have lived before all of us. There’s no new problem you could have–with your parents, with school, with a bully. There’s no new problem that someone hasn’t already had and written about it in a book.”
And it’s totally true, there’s not much more I can say to expand on it.
Alongside working full time, blogging and everything else, I had totally got out of touch with reading until my Doctor friend, Jenny, recommended I read With the End in Mind: Dying, Death, and Wisdom in an Age of Denial by Kathryn Manix, shortly after my Grandma passed away. It was a hauntingly beautiful read, filled with end of life stories, but the repetition of similar patterns at the end of life was reassuring. I couldn’t put it down and it gave me such comfort. Following that, I have gone on to read The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober and The Unexpected Joy of Being Single (both by Catherine Gray), and I am now starting Reasons To Stay Alive by Matt Haig. Three books in as many months might not seem much to most, but this rediscovery of reading has really helped to keep me grounded.
And as for the running part? Running, not so much, but strength training, definitely. Towards the end of this year, my diet has taken a nose dive again, but my gym and personal training sessions have remained consistent. There is something so mentally gratifying about being able to lift heavy as hell weights – the affirmation that you really are strong after all – that has kept my training focused and on track. The diet? We can tackle that in 2020. One step at a time.
There is absolutely no shame in asking for help, and that is truly something I have learnt this year. After struggling with both my emotions and the way I handle them, this was the year I gave in and asked for help. And you know what? It wasn’t so bad after all. In fact, it actually has helped!
There are a number of ways you might want to do this, and for me, I visited my Doctor who referred me via an (albeit pretty long) NHS waiting list for counselling and CBT.
If things are a little more urgent for you, I have listed some useful resources below that may help you to change direction:
Of course, asking for help can be as simple as texting your pal to ask if they have a free half an hour for a chin wag; a vent is often so helpful at letting go of anxieties, especially if you’re lucky to have such a loyal friendship that rewards you by allowing you both to be brutally honest to each other.
Travel, as we all know, has a way of broadening the mind. It really is true that the more of the world you have seen, the more you tend to understand about life in general. So, if you want to broaden your horizons, you might want to think about travelling more. And if you are looking for a new direction in life, this can very often be one of the best ways to make sure that such a thing happens. That can happen for a number of reasons, each of them a powerful thing in themselves.
This August, I flew to Boston on my own just 48 hours after my Grandma passed away. It was planned that way, it just happened, and in a bizarre twist of fate it was a very moving and surreal experience that I think I really needed.
Most commonly, you go travelling and come back with a newfound sense of what really matters to you, what is important and what is not. That will then inevitably feed into everything in your life – your home, your career, your relationships, and so on. If you go travelling and come back with some epiphany, that can often be a real turning point, one which you look back on with a wry understanding and smile to yourself about.
When I say ‘go travelling’, I also know that it’s not as easy as just upping and leaving. For me, even a week-long holiday (this October, in Cyprus) somewhere only a few hours from home is often enough to reset my thoughts. And if you can’t get that far away, even a weekend away can really help to give you some much needed R&R.
Of course, you can’t force such a realization, but you can go travelling as much as possible in the hope that you will at least improve your appreciation of your own life and your understanding of what your life is about. The more you travel, the more likely it is that this will happen. If you feel particularly lost, or particularly in need of a change, consider taking one long trip around the world, or a longer one just around one part of the world, or whatever you feel might be good for you. The more you travel, the more equipped you are to know what you really want to do with your life.
Your relationships are obviously always going to be an important part of your life, and often big changes fall in line with alterations in those relationships. Whether it be friends, family or romantic partners, every so often you really need to take a step back and ask if the relationship is healthy.
This year I’ve truly discovered who my real friends are. Who will stand by you when the shit hits the fan, who will check in with you when you’re up awake at 2am and who will actually do something when you need it, instead of just offering to be there.
Two pivotal moments this year when I think I really saw true colours were of course when my Grandma was dying, but also when it was my birthday. The ones who remembered, the ones who didn’t but still made an effort afterwards, and the ones who totally acted like it didn’t exist.
Dating as well has been very turbulent for me this year, and I’ve done a lot of soul searching in terms of the type of person I go for and how I handle the situation. Most importantly, I have been making changes to the way I am mindful towards others and, above all, becoming content with my own company. I see so many people just settle as they don’t want to be alone, but what’s the point?
Of course, I’m not about to suggest that you break up with your partner just for the sake of enacting some grand change, but it is important to make sure that you are fully committed to your partner still – and if you feel that you are not, and that you are just going through the motions, then you should make sure that you do the right thing, whatever that might be in your case. Being in a relationship which is ultimately wrong is one of the biggest ways that you can cause a drain on your own life and theirs, and it is important not to let this happen as much as you can possibly manage it. If you feel that you are in the wrong relationship, the first thing is to try and fix it – but if it is beyond that, be sure to allow yourself the freedom to let go.
It is often scary to make these kinds of changes, but the scary changes are those which bring about the biggest transformations. If you are committed to changing direction in order to serve yourself and those around you more powerfully, and you know a relationship to be wrong, then there is only one thing to do.
It is equally important to appreciate that you don’t always have to be in a relationship, and that sometimes the best thing for you is to spend a good deal of time alone. If you feel now is a time for you to experience that, then you should allow yourself the freedom to do so – and it could be the best thing you have ever done for yourself. All in all, getting to a good place with your relationships is going to be one of the most useful things you have ever done for yourself, and it is bound to make a profound difference to your direction in life.
Vague, I know, but discovering something new can really help you to refocus.
In it’s simplest forms it can be a new hobby – I have just started knitting and journaling which both help to take my mind off the immediate and are super therapeutic – and in it’s more complicated form it might be more spiritual.
In the past 3 months, I have discovered Buddhism. When I felt particularly lost, my counsellor suggested I try out a mindfulness class to help calm my thoughts, and I haven’t looked back. I have been visiting my local Kadampa Centre (a strain of modern buddhism) 2 – 3 times a week since and it has truly improved my focus, rational thinking and positivity. As a long-time lover of crystals and yoga, I guess discovering my spiritual side has been a natural progression and something that has truly helped me to change direction.
Your career is obviously an important part of your life, and if you want a real change then altering your career path will be a great way to enact that change. Perhaps you have long been stuck in a job that you are not really happy with, or maybe you enjoyed it but you just know intuitively that now it is time for a new chapter. You might have a set of skills that you feel have not really been tested yet, or you might want to think about trying something completely different for its own sake. In any case, you should consider this, as it is one of the best ways to bring about a huge transformation in your life.
When you do this, make sure to put a lot of thought and effort into working out what kind of job you really want to switch to. If you are not quite sure about that, it could mean that you are going to struggle to be happy with your decision on the whole, and then you will wonder why you did it at all. Think about what skills you have that you have not been using much and would, therefore, like to exercise, or what kind of industry you feel you could be a part of. Whatever it is, you will then just have to aim for it with everything you have, and start looking for roles. Research the industry and the career in question as much as you possibly can first, so that you are in a better position to be able to shift over to that new thing. Speak to people who are already involved, and see what they suggest. In no time you should be able to make the change, and it could be one of the best things you ever do for yourself.
Careers are important to most people in terms of how they define themselves, and if that is even vaguely true for you, you will find that this is going to be a huge thing that you have done. Make sure you allow yourself the freedom to really try what your heart desires, and you should end up getting somewhere that you can be really happy with.
Sometimes the problem is where you are living, rather than anything else. If you feel that you would like to change up where you are living, then you need to make sure you first have a clear idea of where to go. That is not to say that this will necessarily end up being right, but you should at least know where you would like to try living next. It might be that you have an eye on somewhere that offers up a particular experience or group of people, for instance or just a place that you like the look of in general. If you have somewhere in mind, then the next thing is to look out for your next opportunity to get moving, which can be something of a challenge in itself.
You might have to wait for the end of a tenancy, for instance, and suffer fees if you skip out early. But when it is time to move, this is one of the best ways to really enact a big change in your life. Something about moving to a new place fills you with excitement and possibility, and it is the kind of thing which can ultimately end up being what changed everything for you. So make sure that you are considering this if you are keen for change, and that you do whatever you can to make it as easy and smooth as possible – getting help from Mr Cheap Rubbish Removal and employing the help of your friends, for example, and making sure that you downsize on your belongings at the same time.
Now is the right time to start refocusing ready for 2020. If you decide to take the plunge and make any of the changes that we outlined here you will find that it leads to a significant shift in the direction that your life is taking. That will always be a good thing in the long run, even if at first you are not quite sure what is happening or how things are going to turn out. Trust the process, let go a little, and try to enjoy the ride as best as you can along the way.
Full time I'm an ambitious Head of Marketing and Communications in the luxury industry. Part time, I'm an enthusiastic British Fashion, Beauty and Lifestyle blogger and YouTuber from Manchester, UK. This blog has been my outlet for the past 7+ years, and as a longstanding, Award-winning blogger I take the most enjoyment from creating content I truly love and believe in. All authentic. Always.